Entering a World of Play: An Oral Life History

Martin J. Downing Jr

Environmental Psychology Subprogram

City University of New York

This paper draws on an oral history to examine cultural forms and practices that have contributed to one’s ability to cope and live with AIDS. For L.R., life can be divided into three phases, which is not uncommon for people living with HIV or AIDS. The first phase of his life includes all history, beliefs, and behavior leading up to and contributing to becoming HIV-positive. Then there is his critical phase, consumed with self-destructing behavior, between diagnosis and the realization that he could live with this disease. Finally, determination sets in and a new life is born filled with love, friendship, culture, and resistance to death. 

Through this oral history it is the intention of L.R. and the author to express the importance of life while enduring what has come to be known as one of the most extreme medical conditions. As a theatre major in college, L.R. was able to delve into a world of play and experience emotions, practices, and images representative of different times or places. But when the curtain closed he was brought back to the reality of everyday life which included the death of a once long-term partner by AIDS. 

It was 1986, and being the conscientious tester that he was, L.R. sensed the urgency of getting yet another HIV test. This time he was not so lucky. It took just four more years to receive the devastating news that he had full-blown AIDS. Upon witnessing the deaths of many friends, acquaintances, and loved ones from this disease, L.R. knew that his time would be up soon. Moving into the critical phase, he now spent most of his time immersed in the cultural practices that have for so long stereotyped the gay male community (e.g. frequenting clubs and bars, consuming alcohol and illegal substances). It was not until a few years later, through which he had managed to survive, that L.R. decided to start living again. One need only look to his “Broadway wall” full of awards, plaques, and show posters to understand the strength and desire to live that emerged within him. 

While still physically capable, he traveled all over acting in small theatre productions and performing female impersonation. Now in his fifties and a long-term survivor of AIDS, L.R. takes sixty pills a day and uses a motorized wheelchair which he calls his “scooter” as his primary means of transportation. His health prohibits him from acting so he has immersed himself in theatre production, including script writing. As house manager for a neighborhood playhouse, he continues to be expressive in the art he truly loves and that which he says gives his life purpose. After meeting L.R. and hearing his remarkable story, I stand in awe at his determination to restart his life. By exploring his life in context I can begin to make sense of the psychosocial effects and coping responses that surface from such a serious illness as well as the roles that cultural practices play in each phase of life.

About Martin Downing

Martin Downing is currently a third year doctoral student in Environmental Psychology at The Graduate School and University Center within The City University of New York. He received a Masters degree from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga in Research Psychology. His primary research interests include the relationship between environmental quality and living with HIV/AIDS; understanding international responses and approaches to the AIDS epidemic; and the use of video as a research tool.

» For comments and questions please send an e-mail to info@enkidumagazine.com